HI!
Wow. It's been a while. A lot has happened, and yet, not.
I'm on the emotional rollercoaster ride even as my body stays firmly in my every day, same day life.
I suppose there are worse things to be.
Today I had a realization that I always kind of knew, but never quite put into words, and it's simply this. I occasionally have this desire to just change my name, change it to something ridiculous, or start up a fake account. Be this new person. Get called a new name. It took me until tonight to realize, it's not because I want a change of pace...I just want to be a different person sometimes. I think this occurs when a great disappointment happens, because I've been having a few of those in a row. Nothing really went right for me this break...yet one thing did, by not going right.
Allow me to explain: I was talking to a guy, and I knew he wasn't good for me, deep down. I knew it wouldn't work. But he was so persistent, and so different than the usual guy who likes me, I wanted to believe in it. I gave it a shot...but I can't trust him. Deep down. I know something was wrong when we hung out, and so I was going to end it...but then he stopped talking to me. Completely. Two weeks later, he has a girlfriend, so that explains that. Is it bad that I just wanted him to give me a heads up? I mean, he was the one who started this, his persistence...
Ah well. Another disappointment. It's better this way. I deserve better than a guy who, to put it lightly, had some serious flaws. And that's all I have to say about that.
This break's been kind of disappointing. Hardly wrote a thing. I need to get back in the swing of things. Being in this rut has not helped at all with my creative process. I need to be happy, be around people that make me happy, and there's people here that make me happy but...Taylorville's not the same. I dream of something more. I yearn for something more. It's school, college, the great ole land of Monmouth...
God I can't wait for the 22. It might sound terrible, but I guess it's a good thing - I'm moving on to the next chapter. Semester 2. It's going by so fast. I'm trying to grab on to moments, and I think I'm doing pretty well.
Ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no river wiiiiiide enough....
