I don't know.

"and we'll climb up on the mountain, y'all, we'll let our voices ring, and those who've never tried it, they'll be the first to sing."

I don't know what I'm doing here.
What if I made a mistake? What if I picked the wrong college? What if it's not the college and it's just me? Maybe i'm just tired of being in school. I hate that it's "required" to graduate college to be successful. I hate being in school. I'm not learning anything important, and I can't imagine it's different anywhere else - private, public, wherever.

I seriously hate it. I hated it in high school. I don't hate it quite as much as I did then, but I still just look around sometimes and ask, "Why am I here? Why the hell am I here?"

Am I supposed to go on my own? I feel like the moment you lose your drive for education, you lose any value you may gain. I'm trying, I'm definitely taking steps to figure out what's wrong within, but sometimes I wonder if maybe I should just quit.
Give up.
Do something really different.
Scare myself.

But how do I do that? No one will help me. Hell, hardly anyone helps me now. I try to map out what I'd do if I actually did it, drop out of college, but I don't know. I'd be alone, and while I generally like my quiet time, I can't be alone for long. It bores me. It saddens me. Sometimes it angers me. But then, if I leave school and just go somewhere, anywhere, will that be any better?

Or am I just traveling the typical voyage of a college drop out, and never amount to anything? Wind up trapped somewhere? Be dead inside for the rest of my life?

My god. There would be no safety net. But what if I wind up finding out what I'm meant to do?
Or is it too soon?
But seriously…I don't know what I'm doing.

I just don't know anymore.

What is brave to you?

What is bravery to you?

I'm scared of new people. I'm scared of never fitting in. I'm scared of time.

I go to a school over 150 miles away from my hometown. I know two people before I move here. I go to a classroom, and do not know a single face. I talk. I speak. I try to branch out. I take advantage of each moment.

Does that make me brave? I don't know. I think that just might be life. Thoughts, anyone?