Get Mad. Sometimes. No, Really.

You ever read a book that randomly reminds you of a long-suppressed memory, and suddenly, something makes sense?

I'm reading a lot of books I've never read before for my Young Adult Lit class (English 180). One is 'The Skin I'm In.' Maybe you've read it - it's a junior high, elementary school-level book. It's about a black girl who is picked on mercilessly by everyone, yet affiliates herself with the worst girl of them all as a semi-sort of protection. Needless to say, I want to punch the bully in the face. And I want to shake some sense in Maleeka.

But I know it can't be done. Because I was there. I used to let someone pick on me, beat me up, do all sorts of nasty things - childish things, terrible things, things that hurt long after they happened, long after the wounds were inflicted. And there's only so much anyone else can do before enough is enough.

I never really got my 'enough is enough' moment. At least, if it did, I don't remember it. I fought back, but I was overpowered.

Now, there's no one that can push me around. I get mad. And I do something about it. So maybe all the childhood/adolescent trauma did something to me, something that can't be undone, something that many people try to protect kids from but, hell, it made me stronger. It made me fight.

I heard the click. Something finally fit in my mind, something small but really important to how I am. I always get mad when I read books where the protagonist is picked on. Whether they do something or not is not quite as relevant, although I usually keep telling them to do something. I mean, looking back, junior high was worse than high school because that was the only time I was bullied by multiple people. Now, well, let's just say those people are fuckin' losers. Never going to amount to anything, probably wind up dead in the next ten years, the whole nine yards. I could be wrong. Maybe they'll be the next dude of The Pursuit of Happyness, and in a way I hope I'm wrong, but I doubt I am.

Looking back, I see how ridiculous it is not to stand up for yourself. I mean, when you're a kid it's a big deal if you're different. Oh God, it is. But there's a difference between wanting to fit in, and taking every shit that is dumped on you like a patch of grass. There's a fine line. And I know how to walk it. So while I am prone to hitting people, it is because I am hard-wired that way, after letting someone physically assault me - I literally, sometimes, must hit back.

And now, some words of wisdom from the a guy who used to be a major eff-up:
"Don't ever take no shit off of anybody. I think that's the best piece of advice I ever got."-Johnny Depp